


the shape of you

by caprilo



Category: natewantstobattle
Genre: Abortion, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blow Jobs, Cowgirl Position, Cunnilingus, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Pregnancy, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Harassment, Smut, Swearing, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24658231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caprilo/pseuds/caprilo
Summary: "I noticed a peculiar-looking man standing at the entrance. He was dressed head to toe in all black: black shirt, black distressed jeans, black boots, the works. His arms were covered in black ink and even had piercings in his ears. He looked strange, though I couldn't judge. I didn't know his name at the time, but I wanted to learn it."She wanted to learn his name until she ended up learning more. She learned more in one night than she ever thought she could in a lifetime...
Relationships: Natewantstobattle/OC, Natewantstobattle/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. the shape of you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, it's me! I should add that I originally published this on Wattpad (same username) but put this smut over here to test the waters with AO3. I'm still getting used to how to do this so bear with me if I seem like I don't know what I'm doing :)

The restaurant was as loud as usual for a Friday night. Everyone had gathered in the bar to watch the football game while gambling away their money because of poor betting choices. Patrons were shouting at the game playing on the TV, demanding more drinks, or flirting with the waitresses, and poor me was one of those waitresses.

A man smacked my ass as I walked past his table. He looked to be my age (a college student) and was sitting with his friends as they all egged him on to request my number. I hated pricks like him.

"I'm cutting you off," I retorted as I strutted into the kitchen.

I grabbed the next order of food that needed to be served and gave my head chef 'help me' eyes. "Stupid Angela, cancelling at the last fucking minute!"

"Having a rough one tonight?" Alex, my head chef, asked as he flipped a couple of burgers.

"Yep," I groaned as I took two plates of ribs to table five.

No one wanted more food or drinks so I snuck back into the kitchen to hang out with the kitchen staff for a few minutes. I couldn't stop complaining about how those college kids were treating me. I blamed my boss for any workplace harassment I suffered from since he forced me to wear skimpy jean shorts and a low cut tank top to work every shift. He said it would bring more business, but it only brought more assholes who only ordered booze at midnight.

"If you have a problem with the wardrobe, take it up with the guy in charge," Will, the sous chef, suggested as he fried some battered chicken in a fryer. "I'm sure if he heard you complain about being smacked around, he would amend the dress code."

Will was a really sweet and optimistic guy, but I knew first hand that shit like what he said didn't fly in our workplace. "I've tried hundreds of times but he always says that I should suck it up and enjoy it. Like, fuck that dude!"

"Cool it, hot head," Alex said, serving up another plate. "You have any more problems, I'll go out there and take care of it myself."

I smiled at Alex as I walked the plate to the table that ordered it. The kitchen staff were my only friends in life. They all looked out for me and took me under their wings as their little sister. Alex was straightforward and caring, Will was always cheerful and optimistic, and the other guys were all supportive and welcoming of me right when I started working at the restaurant. Some days, I didn't know what I would do without them.

"Let me know if you need anything else," I smiled before doing a quick sweep of the restaurant.

I noticed a peculiar-looking man standing at the entrance. He was dressed head to toe in all black: black shirt, black distressed jeans, black boots, the works. His arms were covered in black ink and even had piercings in his ears. He looked strange, though I couldn't judge. I didn't know his name at the time, but I wanted to learn it.

I put on my customer service voice and asked with a smile, "Have you been helped yet, sir?"

"Not yet." His voice was deep and sultry sounding. It had a certain raspy tone to it that made him seem inviting, despite his outward appearance.

"Follow me," I said, leading him to an empty table. "Is a booth okay?"

"Sure..." He sat down, running his fingers through his black hair. "Can I start with a Guinness?"

"Sure thing," I replied and went to get his drink ready.

"Yoohoo! Sexy lady!" The college kids from before hollered at me. "We're hungry!"

_ Why did I get stuck with being their waitress? _ I groaned as I walked up to their table.

"What can I get you all to eat?" I asked, once again putting on my happy face.

"That pussy!" One of his friends drunkenly yelled, grabbing the waistband of my shorts.

I couldn't do much to fend them off. I wasn't allowed to touch customers no matter what they did. I couldn't pull away, his grip was too tight. Soon, the other guys were trying to grab at me as I stood there in utter embarrassment. It wasn't even my fault, but it was the fact that I wasn't allowed to fight back was what I was embarrassed about.

I felt someone grab my shoulders and jerked my body out of the vicinity of the college students. I saw the tattooed arms and dark-coloured hair and realized that it was the man I had escorted to the booth only minutes earlier.

"Chill out, bro! We're only messing around!" The ringleader of the rowdy group sneered before throwing a punch.

I got in between them before anything could happen. I didn't have much power when it came to fighting off sexual predators, but I did have power when it came to preventing them from ever going back to the restaurant.

"Sir, unfortunately, I am going to have to ask you to pay for your drink and leave," I said, gesturing to the door. "That goes for your friends too."

The man rolled his eyes as he and his friends coughed up enough cash to pay their bill before storming out, screaming death threats at me. I never took them seriously since they were drunk, but it wasn't easy to adjust to hearing death threats almost every night.

The man who rescued me walked back to his seat as I heard the bartender yell at me, "Come get your Guinness, shorty!"

"Coming!" I yelled back.

I was practically over there in an instant and grabbed the drink. "Sorry, I had to break up a fight."

"I saw what happened, now you better go say thank you to that man for saving your ass," Corinne, the girl who made the drink, said as she got to work on everyone else's drinks.

I envied the bartenders. Corrine and Sally, the other bartender, had a layer of protection from sleazy men in the restaurant. They even got to drink on the job, which made me even more jealous. I couldn't even drink on breaks.

I walked the drink over to the brooding man. "Sorry, that took so long, and thank you for what you did back there."

"My last girlfriend was a waitress and she had it rough," the brooding man spoke up. "It's not something I can just stand by and watch, y' know?"

I didn't know what to say to his response so I pulled out my pen and notepad. "Are you eating tonight? I can recommend something to you if you want."

"Just drinking tonight," he sipped his beer. "Went out for a rip tonight and just wanted to be alone."

This man was really strange. He used Tillsonburg slang and didn't chug his beer like other guys would do. He was classier than most guys that came here, and even most guys I knew. He was intriguing and I was curious to know more about him.

"Can I interest you in another drink?" I asked.

"I'm still on my first one," he replied. "What's your name?"

I wasn't allowed to tell people my name for safety reasons. It was more like a recommendation from the kitchen staff than it was an actual rule but I followed it nonetheless. If I wanted to give him my name (and I did,) I had to be sneaky about it.

I wrote down my name and slipped it to him. "I'll get you some water along with your Guinness."

I went behind the bar and filled up a glass with water and ice. I glanced over at the man's table to see him looking over at the bar with a smile. I assumed he was watching the game and smiling as his team was winning.

"That guy likes you," Sally said. "I'd go for it before another girl does."

"He doesn't like me," I replied. "No one would like me."

"That pussy-grabber seemed to like you," Corrine added, focused on making drinks.

"That guy was drunk and being pressured by his friends. I don't look hot, guys, I'm a lump of fat," I insisted. "I wish I looked like you guys..."

I wasn't a lump of fat per se but I wasn't a skinny model either. My hips curved out and I had larger breasts to go with them, but my waist wasn't small as I had a bit of a gut hanging off the front of my body. I used to be a lot bigger until I decided to start taking better care of myself. I became a healthier person but my body stayed the same with slight size differences. I wasn't a lump of fat, but I still hated how I looked.

"Either way, go for it," Sally smiled.

I rolled my eyes and walked the water glass to the man as he finished his drink. He kept his eyes on me as I got to his table and set it down for him.

"Can I interest you in anything else?" I asked, taking the empty glass away.

"When do you get off work?" He asked, leaning closer to me. "I wanna talk to you when it's not so loud."

I smiled down at him, knowing exactly what he was doing. "I'm closing tonight so you'll have to wait a couple more hours."

"You're worth the wait," he smiled. "And I'd like another Guinness, please and thank you."

"Should I get you water as well?" I suggested.

He looked me up and down before locking eyes with me. "Sure."

I smiled as I walked to the dirty dish tray to dispose of the empty glasses before heading back to the bar to serve another Guinness. He locked eyes with me again, and I couldn't look away. I didn't even notice that I was spilling water until I felt something wet on my shoe.

"Hey! Watch the nozzle, shorty!" Corrine yelled.

I stopped the nozzle and looked down at my sopping feet and let go of the nozzle trigger. I looked back at the man to see that he was biting his bottom lip with a sly smirk on his face, and I was thoroughly embarrassed.

"Sorry," I apologized. "Just distracted..."

"I noticed," Corrine laughed. "Just go for it already. I can tell you want him."

"How bold of you to assume I'm straight," I laughed, quickly drying off the glass and bringing it to the man at the booth.

"Thank you," the man said as he sipped his Guinness. He was only halfway finished.

"Just let me know if you need anything else," I replied, going into the kitchen.

Time passed and the restaurant was beginning to die down as the game ended. Patrons were paying their bills and leaving the building promptly and soon the bar was nearly empty. I say nearly because the brooding man with the black hair and ear gauges was still at his booth. I would look at him through the circular window of the kitchen door from time to time to check up on him but he never moved from his seat once.

"Stop stalking the punk and roll some silverware," Will said as he wiped down the stove.

"I'm not stalking him," I replied. "Wait, how did you know about the punk guy?"

"I know everything that goes on in this restaurant," Will laughed snarkily. "No, you've been watching that guy for a couple of hours, and Sally won't stop talking about how you like the punk guy in the booth."

I rolled my eyes. "I do not like him. I just think he's interesting."

"Yeah, interesting," Will smirked, replicating sex by the classic finger-going-through-the-hole gesture. "Just go ask if you wanna fuck him already."

"Will!" I glared at him before I went back onto the floor.

It was five minutes until close and the punk was still there. He locked eyes with me as I grabbed napkins and polished silverware. He wore a slight smile and his eyes followed me as I sat a couple of tables away from him. There wasn't much to do and no one was out on the floor so I finished up quickly.

Before I could get up, the punk slipped into the chair across from me. "I believe you owe me a conversation."

I could tell he was slightly buzzed as he was more outgoing than when I had first let him into the restaurant and I stood and put the silverware burritos onto the rack. "It's five minutes until closing time. Think we'll have enough time to chat?"

"I'll pay for my bill and walk you to your car," he said.

"Don't worry about it," I insisted. "You saved my ass back there, so it's on the house tonight."

"How kind of you," he said as he followed me out the door. "So, your name is Ally."

"Yeah," I responded. "It's short for Alexandra."

"You have a pretty name, Alexandra," he smiled, looking down at me.

I had gotten a glimpse of his height when he first walked into the restaurant but didn't realize how much taller he was. That was a bit of an exaggeration but being around five foot five inches made everyone seem a lot taller in my eyes. He looked to be about half a foot taller than me, though I wasn't the best at estimating because of how bad my depth perception was.

Nonetheless, I smiled up at him. "Thank you, but it's just Ally."

I started walking away from the parking lot and the punk looked at me with a confused glance and I explained, "I walk to work and I live a few blocks away."

"I'll walk you home then," he offered.

"I don't even know your name," I said, grinning slightly. I wanted to know.

"Nathan Smith," he replied, walking beside me.

The two of us made conversation during the walk home and learned things about each other. Nate (this is what he preferred to go by) was a musician who had just finished playing a show that night with a couple of his friends. Why he didn't stay at the place he played at and ordered drinks were beyond me. He was a cover artist who sang rock music mostly with the occasional anime opening which he translated into English. He was also into video games and anime, something we shared in common.

As we approached my building, the realization that we would have to part ways hit me. I didn't want the conversation to end just yet. I liked talking to him. He wasn't someone I usually went for either. I had a bad habit of dating jocks in high school, which thankfully didn't follow me into my college years, and thought that this was my way of getting back into dating.

We stopped outside of my building. "This is my stop, I guess..."

He bit his lip and sighed, his hot breath grazing my skin. "It was really nice talking to you, Alexandra."

I blurted out, "It doesn't have to be over yet."

"It certainly doesn't," he smirked and followed me into the building and up to my apartment.

I didn't peg myself to be the type of person who was so warm and inviting of people I literally met a couple of hours beforehand, but Nate made me feel warm and inviting that I couldn't just tell him to leave. He was a courteous man, he walked me home after I was done work, and seemed genuinely interested in having a conversation with me, and I wanted to return the favour rather than make him leave in the cold.

"Want something to drink?" I asked as we kicked our footwear off at the door. "I have water, pop, juice, alcohol–"

"I'm okay, you can turn off the waitress personality," he smirked, and I heard his footsteps.

I chuckled and stuck my head in the refrigerator and took out some orange juice and Peach Schnapps to make myself a Fuzzy Navel. I told Nate to have a seat on the couch as I shut the fridge door, only to see that he was standing next to me and leaning against the counter.

I caught him looking down at my butt and he looked away from my body as I looked up at him. The bastard was checking me out, which surprised me more than him just showing up beside me unannounced. Nate was a persistent guy, and I admired his confidence.

"Drinking? You work in a bar," he chuckled as he watched me mix my liquids.

"I'm not allowed to drink there, not even when I'm on break," I stirred my concoction together and put the juice and Schnapps back into the fridge. "Besides, I don't drink often. Tonight was just kind of stressful and I need to take the edge off of it."

I sat on the couch and Nate sat beside me. My living room and kitchen were joined, and it wasn't that big of an area. I didn't live in a fancy apartment, just a one-bedroom, but it was enough for me. Plus, no roommates to fight with so it was a win-win situation all around.

That confident spirit I felt from Nate was gone as I sipped at my drink, not exchanging any words with him. It was a little awkward since I had just let this stranger into my apartment and started drinking, but that was only my excuse. I didn't know what was running through his head.

"Do you often let total strangers into your house?" Nate asked, shifting closer to me.

"I used to be too trusting and kind of a slut. Well, actually," I realized where that would have taken me and didn't pursue the thought any further. "Either way, I'm a bit more cautious now."

"You say that as you drink a fuzzy navel with a total stranger," he smirked.

I rolled my eyes and chugged the rest of my drink. "You're not a total stranger, and you just seem trustworthy, I guess. And since we're asking questions, how old are you?"

I looked over at him. He had inched himself closer to me and our faces were only centimetres apart. I could feel myself blushing as I leaned in closer to close the gap between us and connected our lips. They were soft, softer than I had expected them to be. He didn't pull away, surprisingly, and I parted from the kiss to look into his eyes. They were a beautiful hickory brown in colour.

"I'm sorry," I blushed, nervously tucking some hair behind my ear. "I didn't mean to–"

"Shh," he cut me off with his lips as he kissed me again.

I let him guide me so I was laying onto the couch as he smirked into our kiss. I felt his knees in between my legs as he kissed a line from my lips to my neck and sucked on my skin. He would certainly leave a mark but I didn't have to work the next couple of days meaning I could let whatever marks were on my neck heal.

Nate kissed my lips again as his hands moved from my waist up to my chest and grabbed onto my breasts and he whispered in between kisses, "You're so beautiful."

He slipped his hands under my tank top and pinched my nipples as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I moaned into his mouth as I grasped the back of his shirt tightly. Nate's hands slipped down my body and grabbed the bottom of my shirt, and he parted from the kiss briefly to pull my shirt over my head.

I stopped him, and Nate looked at me quizzically. "Everything okay, Ally?"

"I'm nervous you won't like what you see underneath these clothes," I admitted. "I'm kind of... fat."

Nate sat up and bit his lip, still holding the hem of my shirt, and without warning, he lifted it above my head and exposed my torso and yellow brassiere. "I think you look amazing."

Nate hovered above me once again, leaning on his hands for support. "We can stop if you want to though."

I didn't think twice and pulled him into a hug and whispered, "I don't wanna stop, Nathan."

I let his hands roam my body as I tug at his shirt and slip it over his head. Our lips met and Nate reached around and unclasped my bra, and he took it off and threw it on the floor. He kissed down my body and licked and sucked on my left nipple as he massaged my right breast in his other hand.

I bit my lip and stifled a groan. He worked his way back to my face as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up so that I was sitting on top of him, straddling his thighs as I kissed his neck. He begged me not to leave any bruises as he rubbed my nipples with his thumbs, and I was compliant.

I slowly got off of him and descended his body as I grabbed the buckle of his belt. I made eye contact with him as I opened his belt and unbuttoned his smoky grey jeans. I pulled the zipper down and helped Nate shimmy his jeans and boxer briefs off his legs, taking his socks off too. I couldn't tell when he had his pants on, but Nate was definitely aroused.

I took his large erection into my mouth and stroked him with my tongue. I never thought I was good at this, but I had only given blowjobs a couple of times before so I didn't have much practice in that department. I also had a horrible gag reflex which often got in the way of what I was doing, and I never got the chance to get better for fears of throwing up on the poor soul I was sucking off (I did that once, and I made sure to never do it again by breaking up with him the next day.)

I could hear Nate moan from pleasure as he ran his fingers through my hair. He would curse every so often as well as say my name, which only enticed me more. I looked up at him and saw that his eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth was agape, letting groans of all sorts escape his body.

I was getting tired of being on my knees so I pulled back and looked up at him. He was out of breath despite only sitting on my couch.

"Should we continue this in my room?" I asked, licking his erection.

"Yeah," he replied and helped me to my feet.

I pulled him to my room and fiddled with the doorknob as Nate bit my neck before connecting our lips. I opened the door without parting from the kiss and led him to my bed.

I fell onto my mattress and Nate bit the skin on my collar bone as he unbuttoned my shorts. I was already moaning from his love biting but my tone was raised an octave when his hand dipped into my underwear. He rubbed my clitoris in a circular motion as he looked into my eyes, intertwining the fingers of his free hand with mine.

His hickory irises traced the outlines of my curves and he pulled my scarlet underwear off of my body and got in between my legs. I felt his hot breath on my sensitive skin as I felt his tongue on my clitoris and he stroked and licked it.

I let out a cry of ecstasy as he started to finger me as he ate me out. I arched my back as his fingers thrust into me faster. It felt amazing, more so than any other time I had done these things with other guys. The fact that I didn't have to ask made what Nate was doing infinitely sexier.

I was on the verge of orgasm and I made it known, "Fuck, I'm gonna–"

I didn't get the chance to finish as I felt that familiar rush as Nate pulled away and I squirted cum onto my blanket. I was a shaking mess as I pulled Nate closer to me and hugged him close.

"Do you still want to...?" Nate asked softly, looking into my green eyes.

I nodded and kissed him before letting him pull away. I flicked on my lamp and opened my nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom packet and my bottle of water-based lubricant (it could never be too wet, in my opinion.)

Nate opened the silver packet and rolled the condom onto his erection and poured some lube onto his hand. He lathered his erection and wiped the excess onto my labia.

He positioned himself in between my legs. "If it hurts, just let me know."

I nodded my head, automatically fearing the worst. All my fears melted away as he slowly pushed in and reformed into total euphoria. I clawed his back as he thrust deep into me, biting my lip so hard I almost drew blood.

"Fuck, you're so tight," he groaned before he locked lips with me again.

As someone with an underwhelming sex life, I didn't have high standards to begin with. Nate ended up raising those standards I had set on myself with his sexual prowess. He parted from my lips and looked into my eyes, and I loved what I saw. He was dripping in sweat as he looked down at me lustfully. The aura surrounding him turned me on just as much as his actions did.

"Nate, I wanna be on top," I said between breathy moans.

He pulled away and we switched positions. I straddled his waist and reapplied a bit of lube and eased myself onto his erection, feeling that sense of warmth I had lost for a few seconds. I saw Nate biting his lip as his hickory eyes glanced up and down my body. I ground my body against him and leaned closer to him to kiss his neck. He groaned into my ear as I rode his body, and he grabbed my hips and thrust into me from underneath.

I hummed in dissatisfaction at him. "I'm on top."

"I like fucking you though," he smirked as he slammed his erection into my body.

My groans turned into cries of sexual desire as he thrust harder into me and I threw my head back in ecstasy with my eyes squeezed shut. Sex had never felt this good before hence my over-the-top reaction. I had gotten lucky for once and found a man who knew exactly what he was doing and did things that I didn't have to suggest he do. He loved my body as well and wanted me for me.

I felt him pull out of me as he flipped us and laid my head on my pillow. He kissed my lips and kissed a trail down my body as his tongue found my clitoris again, making me gasp from his wet touch.

"Fuck!" I cried out. "Fuck, I'm–"

I was cut off by my orgasmic cries as I felt myself climax, and when the high I felt was gone, I looked down and saw that Nate's face was covered in my fluids.

"Uh, sorry," I smiled sheepishly.

He crawled upwards and hovered above me, leaning onto his elbows for support. He didn't do anything and neither did I. I couldn't move, though I was a little lightheaded from the orgasm. Nate was just staring at me, even as he sat up onto his knees. He just stared down at me.

"You're so hot," he whispered with a raspy voice. "Flip over."

I did as I was told and laid on my stomach. He straddled my thighs and pushed into me once again. He planted his hands on my shoulder blades for stability as he repeatedly slammed into me.

I had my face stuffed into a pillow to suffocate any noise I would have made until Nate ripped it from underneath me and thrust faster. "I wanna hear you, sweetheart."

From all the lustful feelings, I ended up blurting out, "Call me a slut! Please!"

"Okay, slut," he picked up the pace and the weight on my shoulder blades grew larger, and as he repeated the derogatory remark, he turned me on even more.

Now, I wasn't the type of person who would just let anyone call me this. It had to be the right place and the right time. You couldn't just yell this at me on the street and expect me to just drop everything and fuck you, I needed to already be in the mood and even then I had to be in a  _ really  _ sexual mood for this to fly with me, much like I was at that moment.

"Fuck! Fuck! Oh,  _ fuck! _ " I screamed in ecstasy, a moan escaping my lips.

Nate, to my dismay, pulled out of me again and flipped me onto my back before kissing me as he eased himself into me. "I wanna look at you when I finish."

"Then do it," I bit my lip.

I held the blanket and pillow in a vice-like grip as Nate thrust faster and faster. I let out another orgasmic scream as I felt the rush dwindling. I wrapped my arms around Nate as my fingernails dug into his back.

"Don't stop!" I begged. "Don't stop!"

I heard Nate groan loudly as he slammed into me and eventually slowed to a stop. He enveloped me in a tight embrace as his lips crashed into mine and pressed his sweaty forehead against my own. We were both out of breath and more than satisfied with our sexual adventure together.

As the wave of sexual feelings washed away, I shifted a little in discomfort. "Nate, you're crushing me."

"Sorry," he chuckled, pulling out of me and sitting on his knees. "Well, that was..."

I sat up, nervous that he didn't like it. "Was it okay for you?"

He smiled at me as he threw the condom in the trash can beside my bed. "It was amazing. Was it okay for you though?"

I blushed and nodded my head. "I had never done that before. Slept with someone that I wasn't dating, that is."

He leaned closer and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm glad I got to be your first for that then."

I stood up and went to grab some pyjamas for bed, and when I bent over to look for some comfy shorts, Nate slapped my ass, hard. I jumped up and turned around to see him smirking. He hit me hard enough to leave a mark and was probably admiring his handiwork (no pun intended.)

"All I have for pyjamas is stuff my ex left when I dumped him and this oversized shirt," I explained, showing Nate the Halo-themed pyjama pants and the Attack On Titan T-Shirt. "I mean, if you're gonna stay the night. You don't have to."

"I'll stay," Nate smiled as he grabbed the clothing from my hands. "I just need to grab my underwear from the living room."

I shrugged. I dried myself off with a towel and got dressed into silk pyjamas and put my blanket into my hamper to be washed. As I was setting up another blanket, Nate walked in completely dressed and got under the covers with me.

I remembered from before we had sex that he never answered my question. "You never told me how old you were."

"I'm..." it took some convincing but I did eventually get him to answer me, "I'm twenty-nine..."

"Really? I'm only twenty!" I replied. "You're not even that much older than me."

He smiled and pulled me into a side hug and we cuddled underneath the warmth of the blankets. The two of us ended up falling asleep in each other's arms and we said our goodnights before completely passing out together.

I stirred awake the next morning and felt a presence, or lack thereof rather. I turned over and saw that Nate wasn't in bed, but saw that he had left a note for me on the pillow he slept on.

I picked it up and read the contents of the paper.

_ Hey, Ally! I'm sorry I'm not here right now. I had to leave to catch my flight back to LA. It sucks that we didn't get to hang out more, but I wanna stay in contact with you. It might take a bit for me to answer since I'll probably be on a plane back home, but text me regardless. I'll still answer. I really like you and I enjoyed our time together last night. I totally get it if you want that to be a one-time thing, but I'll wait for your text every day. Have a good rest of your week! -Nathan _

I smiled at his handwriting and noticed the phone number at the bottom of the page. I figured he wasn't from my province but I didn't think he was from the city of angels. Regardless, I typed out a message to him and sent it before getting up and enjoying my next few days off.

A month and a half or so past since my night with Nate. He ended up getting me to watch a few of his videos on YouTube (the guy is famous there) and I listened to some of his albums on my off time. He was a really good singer and a lucky one too! Not many people make it big in the industry. He even had me hyped up for the release of his newest album called Paid in Exposure.

I got up to get ready for work with a sick feeling in my stomach, but I ignored it and had some water to calm it down. I went to work that day, still ignoring the gross feeling I had and went about my job. The feeling kept getting stronger every time I moved and finally I couldn't handle it anymore and ran to the kitchen to vomit up my breakfast into the nearest trash can.

"Whoa, are you okay?!" Will asked as he held my hair back.

"I'm fine," I replied before throwing up again. "I probably just cooked my egg wrong."

"You better not be pregnant!" Alex laughed as he served up a plate of bacon and eggs with a side of french toast. "We can't afford to lose another waitress right now!"

My eyes widened as the cogs turned in my head and the existential fear hit me like a truck, making me vomit again.  _ Oh shit… _


	2. sunflower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, I never thought I would be writing on this again! I guess it's not just a one-shot after all! I actually started writing this last week and finished it a few days ago. I didn't publish it right away because I wanted to fine-tune it to make sure it was the best it could be.  
> When I was writing this, I needed an escape from reality and figured I could do that with this while also addressing the cliffhanger from the first part. I found myself listening to his music a lot recently and felt that spark for this story return to me.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

"Shit!" I yelled.

I threw a pregnancy test against the bathroom wall. I hadn't been in the same country as Nate in weeks and here I was, pacing the floor and trembling with fear. I thought I was dreaming at first and then it turned into the worst nightmare of all time.

I was pregnant with Nate's child.

_ How the hell could this have happened?! I saw him put the condom on and take it off afterwards!  _ I could feel my reality crumbling around me.

I suddenly felt dizzy and sat down on the shower mat. Pacing the floor while pregnant probably wasn't the best idea, especially since I couldn't stop vomiting up everything I had eaten.

_ Don't panic! Just go get an abortion and you won't have to bring it up to Nate. It isn't like you guys are ever gonna see each other again in person anyway,  _ I leaned over the toilet and regurgitated the crackers I had into the water in the bowl.

My mind raced with negative thoughts of everything that could go wrong. Denied access to an abortion, the side effects of getting an abortion (and I was already prone to depression, a symptom of post-abortion syndrome,) anything could happen depending on the choices I made. I was sure of one thing.

_ I need to get this thing out of me. _

My phone buzzed on the counter and I reached up to grab it, seeing that one of my coworkers was trying to call me. "Hey, Will," I answered.

"You don't sound too good," Will spoke with concern and had been ever since I threw up in the kitchen the week before. "Are you still sick?"

"Even worse," I replied. "I got knocked up by Nate."

"Shit," Will replied, his concern growing more verbal. "What're you gonna do?"

"I can't have a child right now, I'm a waitress," I explained. "I  _ have  _ to get an abortion."

"You're just not gonna tell him you're getting rid of his child?" Will asked in an unapproving tone of voice.

"He doesn't get a say in the matter. It's  _ my  _ body," I replied, frustrated with the direction he was trying to spin the conversation.

"I know, but don't you think you should at least let him know of what you're gonna do before you do it?" He suggested.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like he and I are gonna see each other again so it wouldn't be worth it. He's just a guy that I had sex with."

"From the way you talk about your relationship with him, he means a lot more to you than that," Will sighed. "Just think about this before you run to the clinic? He  _ is  _ the father, after all."

"Again, he and I will never be in the same vicinity again so it's not worth it honestly."

I ate my words the minute I got a message from the father in question, stating that he would be in town the following week and wanted to take me out to dinner on his dime. I squinted at the message as I huffed in agitation. Then, from probable stress, I vomited into the toilet again, causing Will to freak out.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I reassured Will. "Nate just texted me about coming down next week."

Will laughed. "Sounds like fate is kicking in on this one."

"Don't even joke about that, asshole!" I growled. "What do I do?"

"Go see him," he suggested. "He's willing to fly here to see you and buy you dinner–"

"I never said he would do that," I interrupted him.

"If he's as much of a gentleman as you like to brag about, I'm assuming he's buying you dinner," Will inferred. "Although, you brag more about his dick size than his–"

"Oh, shut it," I snapped. "I'm sorry. I'm just really scared. Nate means a lot to me and if I told him about this, I'm worried he would force me to keep it. I can't have a kid right now, I just  _ can't. _ Do you get what I mean?"

There was a pause before Will spoke again, "I can only understand so much. Just tell him that whatever you decide is the final decision, but at least tell him what you're planning before you do it. You need to think about this before rushing into it. You tend to do that when you get overwhelmed."

I slumped over and laid on the bathroom floor. "I know, and that's another reason why a baby isn't a good idea right now. They don't need to be traumatized by their own mom."

Will hummed in response. "So I'm assuming work will be a lot harder for you?"

"I feel like no matter what I do, I'm gonna be having a hard time," I responded. "I guess I'll give Nate a text. See you at work tomorrow?"

"Totally. Have fun with your boy toy!" he replied, hanging up before I could curse at him.

I stared at the message on my screen and the others we exchanged above that one. They were all kind words and hopes of seeing each other again. I thought that we would never meet again and allowed myself to indulge in what he wanted. Here I was, witnessing possibly the only chance to see him again, and I couldn't help but take Will's words to heart.

_ Maybe he should know, but no matter what, my decision is final. _

In the time I was in my headspace, Nate had sent another text to me, asking about what kind of movies would be playing the following week. I didn't feel like doing the bare minimum and typing back so I hit the phone icon and called him instead.

"Hey, Alexandra," the rasp in his voice always comforted me.

"You know you can just call me Ally," I reminded him. "But anyway, you said you were gonna be in town next week. What for?"

"It's just for work and then I go home," he explained. "I figured that I could come see you and maybe we could go out for a rip. If you're not working, that is."

"I can pull some strings to work the morning shift. Just give me a date and I'll work it out," I stated.

"Awesome! I can't wait to see you," Nate cheerfully replied. "I've actually been meaning to tell you something and this would be the perfect time to do it."

My curiosity peaked as well as a certain set of hormones usually reserved for late nights or when I had drunk too much and lowered my standards considerably. "What is it?"

"You gotta wait until next week," he teased. "I need to get going, but I'll check my schedule and give you the details."

My stomach started to churn in an all too familiar way, signalling that I had to end the call quickly. "Look forward to hearing from you on that! I should go now too, so I'll let you get back to doing whatever you're doing! Bye!"

Nate barely got a word in before I hung up the phone and leaned over the toilet once again.  _ This fucking thing will kill me if I don't get it out soon. _

I spent the next few days coping with the stress of keeping my meals down and having to avoid telling my boss about my pregnancy. I figured that because I was getting an abortion, I didn't need to tell him about the fetus growing inside of me. He even gave me a couple of days off during the time that Nate would be in town, allowing me to have the day to get ready for my evening with him and the next day to get my procedure done at the clinic. I just needed to figure out one thing first.

_ How the fuck am I gonna break it to him? _

That day had arrived and I was nervous, anxious even. I had finished getting ready and Nate was already on his way over, and I stood in front of the mirror, practicing what I would say to him as I fixed my hair and adjusted my clothes.

"Nate," I spoke aloud. "I need to tell you something super important. I'm giving birth to your child in nine months."

_ No, that sounds too serious. Try being a bit more cheery! _

"Nate. I'm with child! Isn't that exciting?" I put on a smile but it fell quickly when I realized what I had said. "No, it isn't, idiot. You're getting an abortion when he goes back home. Try something else."

I tried over and over but to no avail. Frustrated, I sat on the edge of my bathtub and stared down at my phone. Will and I had talked about how I was going to tell him and then go to the walk-in clinic the following day to get myself the operation that I needed.

Seeing that I still had time, I stood in front of the mirror once again and looked my reflection in the eye. "Nate, I'm pregnant, but I'm not keeping it."

Just after finishing that sentence, I heard a knock at the door, and I packed everything up and ran to open it. Nate was standing on the other side dressed in a plain black tee that accented his muscles, gunmetal grey jeans, and black Timberland boots. He was dressed in such an opposite style from me.

I fiddled with the hem of my shirt as I looked up at the man standing at my door. "Hey. Come on in."

I stepped out of the way to let him enter my apartment with a suitcase in tow. He set it by the door as I slipped my feet into my moccasins. "You look cute," he commented, scanning my body with his eyes.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I replied, throwing a beanie onto my head. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah! Where would you wanna eat?" Nate asked, heading out to lean against the wall in the hallway and allowing me to shut and lock the door. "Got anywhere in mind?"

I initially shrugged it off until I remembered that I was still experiencing unpredictable morning sickness. "Uh, I'm thinking something simple. Honestly, McDonald's could work."

"I mean an actual sit down restaurant," he explained, following me to the stairs.

I opened the door and prompted him to keep following me. "Again, anywhere works for me."

"What's a delicacy around here?" He pushed.

"Absolutely nothing!" I responded.

We had gotten down the flight of stairs and Nate took my hand in his left and turned my head to look at him with his right. "I'll find a place to go."

The rasp in his voice sent me into a downward spiral of erotic hormones and I tried to contain myself as best as I could. "Okay."

He smiled and released me to look at his phone, leaving me to awkwardly walk beside him as we headed outside the building and into the sunlight. I couldn't stop my mind from racing with sexual thoughts of Nate as I waited beside him. Images of him contorting my body and kissing me all over kept replaying in my head and I couldn't make them shut off. I knew why I was feeling this in such an extreme way, but it still baffled me that early pregnancy was  _ that _ powerful.

"I know a place we could go," I spoke up. "It's just a quick walk from here."

Nate turned his attention to me and shoved his phone into his pocket. "Lead the way."

I walked with Nate in tow as we walked down the street to one of my favourite places in town: the local park. "We could pass the time here until it's closer to supper hour and then we could make our way over to whatever restaurant we wanted. Sound like a plan?"

"Sure. When would you wanna get something to eat?" He asked, following me to the swing set beside the playground equipment.

"Probably around six. I had some lunch before you came over," I told him, nervous. "Unless you're hungry now."

"Oh, I'm okay. I had something while I was working," He responded, glancing at me quizzically. "Are you okay?"

Caught off guard, I looked away and made an excuse. "I'm okay. I just haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, I know. I wish I could have come to you sooner but running a record label isn't an easy task," he disclosed to me. "It's only been a couple of months but it feels like I've missed so much without you."

_ Oh, you've missed a lot. _

I blushed and glanced down at my shoes as I swung a little on the swing. "You're really sweet."

We sat in silence for a minute or so, basking in what the sunlight had to offer us until Nate broke our quiet moment with a question I had heard from others before. "Why do you walk everywhere?"

I smiled as I remembered the reason why. "I never got around to getting my license in high school. Sure, I got to drive stick when my dad and I were going somewhere without my mom but that didn't really count since people don't drive stick anymore. Then when I had moved out of my parent's house, my friend wanted to teach me some driving basics."

"What happened?" Nate asked.

"I almost crashed her car into the pillar of the church parking lot we were in," I explained, causing him to laugh into his hand. "And  _ that's  _ why I walk everywhere. Can't drive into things if you don't drive, am I right?"

Nate's lips curled into a smile. "I'll need to take you driving some time then. Get that wind blowing through your hair."

He leaned over and brushed some hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. Our eyes connected, both of us wanting the same thing. My nerves had gotten the better of me though and I stood up and started climbing on the equipment.

_ It's nothing against you, but you're touching me without realizing that you're also touching the woman who's about to abort your child tomorrow, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. _

We were able to pass the time smoothly until my stomach started growling. We headed up towards a small pub on Main Street as I had been craving their food all week. The walk wasn't too long, only fifteen minutes, and we arrived shortly after five-thirty.

Like the gentleman he was, Nate helped me find a seat at one of the booths near the bar. This place was a go-to spot for me and the staff knew me by my usual drink order and meal that went with it, so much so that the servers didn't have to ask what I wanted and could remember it the minute they saw me.

"Well, look who it is!" One of the waitresses, Dani, said as she approached our table with someone tagging along behind her. "And you brought someone this time!"

"Nate, this is Dani. She used to work at the restaurant I'm working at," I introduced him. "And this here is Nate."

"So  _ you're  _ the boy she keeps talking about," Dani stated.

I could tell that Nate was starting to feel awkward about the situation so I hurried the conversation along and we got to our drink orders. Nate ordered a water and I ended up saying my usual, not remembering what it exactly was until the girl looming over Dani's shoulder made a disgustingly personal comment about me.

"We don't serve alcohol to pregnant women here."

As soon as I heard that phrase leave her mouth, I sat on my hands to keep from throwing a punch at her. Nate looked horrified, and Dani looked insulted by what she heard. She ended up apologizing for the girl and sent her away and ran to grab us both glasses of water.

Up until Dani came back with our drinks, Nate and I didn't speak or make eye contact. I stared awkwardly into space as he looked over the menu, giving Dani his order once she came back (I did the same as well.) And with that, we were left alone once again in awkward silence and potentially a damper in my plans.

_ I'm gonna have to tell him now. _

Nate, as per usual, broke the silence we shared. "I really hope they fire that girl."

I shook my head, shoving my hands under my thighs even further. "I think she's just nervous is all."

"Maybe but there are certain things you shouldn't say to someone," he insisted, a fire in his voice. "Like, why would she just immediately assume you're pregnant?"

_ Maybe my plans are okay. _

"I look like I am because of how I'm shaped," I explained. "It's nothing new honestly."

"If it's nothing new, why did you look like you were gonna fight that girl?" He asked.

I pulled my hands out from underneath me to grab my glass and have a sip of water and responded, "Today's be weird for me emotionally and I just let it get to me."

Nate didn't ask any further questions on the subject and sipped on his water as well. "What's your usual?"

"A margarita without the salt on the rim. That or a fuzzy navel," I replied. "I'm not drinking right now anyway so water is okay for me. Thank you for coming down today too. I didn't realize how much I missed you until now."

Nate smiled and held my hands in his on the table. "Thank you for seeing me today."

Things managed to return to normal and once Dani gave us our food, we talked about our plans for the rest of the evening.

"So, how about we catch a movie after dinner?" I suggested.

"That would be cool. Got any ideas on what you wanna see?" Nate asked.

I shrugged, adding vinegar to my fries. "I remembered you had asked about movies and I thought I would bring it up to see if you would still wanna go."

"I didn't really find much that  _ I  _ would wanna see but I'll go see something if you wanna see it."

"I don't wanna make you see something just because I–"

Nate reached across the table and grabbed my hand as he smiled at me. "I insist. I want you to have a good time. Besides, you're worth sitting through one movie."

I replied, "Nate, I'm always having a good time when I'm with you. Like, we could be going to an upscale restaurant and cruising the town in our finest clothing, or we could be staying in and wearing pyjamas while eating comfort food. Either way, I'm always having a good time with you."

I smiled at him, stroking his hand with my thumb. "You're really fun to be around, and all that matters is being with you."

Nate's hickory eyes sparkled in the light fixture hanging above us as he grabbed both of my hands and stared directly into my eyes. "I need to tell you something."

I suddenly became nervous but I let him continue speaking.

"I totally get that we haven't known each other that long and that this is our second time hanging out. But I need to tell you exactly how I feel," he didn't disconnect his gaze. "Alexandra, and I know you don't like it when I call you that, I like you. I have since we first spoke while you were working. And when we..."

I helped him out. "Had a one night stand."

"Yeah, that," I could see that he was trying to hide the blush on his face. "I felt a connection between us. It was more than just sex to me. It was an actual spark between us. And I feel that same spark whenever we text or call and even right now. I wanna keep seeing you, Ally. I wanna keep having that spark."

I felt myself tearing up in front of him and I held it in as best as I could. "Nate, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," he insisted. "I just couldn't keep that in any longer."

I smiled giddily as I finished up my basket of fries. I had been serenaded in the past by lovers, but none ever felt as genuine as Nate's words did. He was so kind and caring of me, he got me in ways that nobody else would. And I was ready to reciprocate what he had said to me until I felt my stomach churn.

"Uh, I'll be right back, I said before getting up from my seat and heading to the washroom.

I managed to find an open stall and ran to it, locking myself in and leaning over the toilet on my knees, throwing up what I had just eaten into it.

_ Right, I'm pregnant. I can't believe I almost ordered alcohol too. _

I heard someone come in and I quickly pulled myself together, flushing the toilet and exiting the stall to wash my hands at the sink. I wasn't too concerned when I saw that Dani was leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette.

"Hey," she greeted me, blowing out a ring of smoke. "I'm really sorry about that other waitress. I just handed her over to the boss to explain what happened. Pretty sure she's getting the boot."

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it. She looked super nervous."

Dani walked up to me and took in an audible breath through her nose. "Did you just throw up?"

My eyes widened and I looked away in shame. "What she said was right. And the guy I'm with is the father."

"Shit," Dani stomped her cigarette out and tossed it into the toilet. "Sweetie, come here."

I let myself fall into her embrace as I rested my chin on her shoulder. She didn't make me talk, she just held me in her arms. I couldn't even speak if I wanted to. So many things were running through my head with one thought sticking out.

_ Thank god I'm getting rid of it. I'm too irresponsible to be a parent. _

There was a knock at the door and Dani quickly responded. "Occupied!"

"Ally?" I heard Nate ask from the other side of the door.

I pulled away from Dani, giving her a silent thank you before walking to the door. I opened it and smiled up at him. "Sorry for taking so long. Dani just wanted to shoot the shit and have a dart," I lied. "Sorry, I meant cigarette."

"I didn't know you smoked," he commented.

"I don't, she does," I responded. "If you were worried that I fell in, I would have told you."

Nate snickered and grabbed my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. "Should we head out?"

"Yeah," I agreed, leaning my head against his shoulder. "I'm not really feeling a movie, honestly. Can we maybe just go for a walk?"

"Sure. Would you just wanna head back to your place?" he suggested. "We could watch something there."

I nodded lazily. We walked back to our table and left enough for the bill and walked out the door, making our way back to my place. The sun hadn't set yet and people were still driving around or running errands. We quickly got away from the bustling areas and found the route back home.

Once we got back to my building, we made our way inside and up the stairs. As we got to the top, I became incredibly winded and Nate had to help me get up the last few steps. At first, I was confused since I was full of energy the whole day, and then I remembered fatigue was a symptom of pregnancy and I had to play it off as being tired out of shape.

_ I need to tell him tonight. I can't keep hiding it. _

I let Nate in and shut the door, kicking my shoes off and placing them next to his boots. I had almost no energy and immediately went to the living room to sit. Nate had rushed to my side and took a seat beside me on the couch, wrapping me into his warm embrace.

I didn't move for what felt like forever. My only indicator of still being alive was my breathing and my fingers lightly rubbing circles onto his knee and thigh. While being fatigued, I was hyper-aware of where my head was and my thoughts kept racing on all the things that I could with him.

_ Stop thinking about doing that stuff. Is it even safe to do when you're over four weeks? _

I sat up, seeing Nate shift so that he was facing me. The hickory in his eyes connected with mine as I stared into them. The tension was so evident you could cut through it with a knife, but I couldn’t bring myself to cut it.

Nate’s eyes darted between mine and my lips as he grabbed my hand and leaned closer to my face, closing the gap and connecting our lips. They were exactly how I remembered them. Kissing him helped my worries thaw, but they didn’t melt into nothing.

He tried to get me to straddle his waist but I pulled away and stood up. "I'm sorry, I can't keep hiding this, I just can't," I spoke up, the anxiety ascending to my breaking point and making me tear up.

"Hey, don't panic," Nate rushed to my side as I cried into my hands. "You can tell me anything."

I looked up at him through tears that blurred my vision and finally let it out. "What that girl at the restaurant said was right. I'm pregnant, and it's yours."

I collapsed to the floor and drowned in my tears as Nate kneeled beside me. He held me as I cried and carried on about how terrifying the situation was. He didn't interrupt me once and I thanked him for that silently.

His silence was a double-edged sword. On one side, I was glad he didn't try to cut me off or minimize the emotional rollercoaster I was on. But, on the other side, it was going to make my final decision a lot harder for everyone involved.

_ Why do you have to be so kind? It only makes it harder. _

I was finally about to look up at him and saw that he hadn't taken his eyes off of me once. He looked to be searching for something to say, even if it was just a hum to fill the void.

"What do you wanna do?" He asked.

I took in a deep breath and looked down at the floor. "Nate, I can't have a baby right now. I couldn't take care of it. And your career, I– I would feel terrible for taking that all away."

He let me rest my head on his chest and whispered, "I'll take you tomorrow."

"I can get my friend to do it, it's fine–"

"Ally," he interrupted me. "I'm as much of a part of this as you are. No matter what, I'm there for you. I support you and every decision you make. So, I'm going with you tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded against his chest. "Okay."

He and I barely got any sleep that night. It was mostly spent awkwardly in our pyjamas, holding each other on my bed in my room as I tried to keep myself from becoming overwhelmed. I had wrapped my arms tightly around his torso, scared of what was to come next. Even as my eyes drooped closed and my arms became limp, I wrestled with every scenario that came up.

The following morning was spent with me having a glass of water and giving Nate a quick bite to eat before we were supposed to head out to the clinic. I could barely look at him. I wouldn't let him touch me. I felt so horrible about how the previous night went that I didn't want to cause any more riffs between us.

_ You told me you liked me and I told you I was aborting your child. I don't feel worthy of that spark from him. _

Nate ate his breakfast at the counter as I stood on the balcony, taking in the morning air. Will was on his way over to take us to the clinic since I wasn't able to drive myself and Nate there. When I told him everything, I talked about how I was conflicted about my decision after Nate had shown me nothing but kindness.

_ I have to. It's the right decision. _

I saw Will's car pull up and I ran to get my shoes and flannel on. "My friend is here. We gotta get going."

Nate grabbed his boots and followed me out the door. He helped me down the stairs and to Will's car, helping me into the back seat and sitting on the other side next to me. I gave Will a quick nod before he started driving towards the clinic.

The car ride was silent for the first little bit until Will started making conversation with me. "So, how far along are you?"

I shrugged. "At least four weeks."

"Not that far then," he commented. "I might drive around while you're in the clinic if that's okay."

"Yeah," I responded before disengaging with the conversation.

Nate and Will made small talk while I zoned out in my thoughts. Hearing the way they spoke to each other kept me from completely disassociating from reality and brought me a sense of comfort. I looked over and saw how engaged he was with Will about music and smiled a little.

_ He's giving so many good reasons to turn around and run. _

After another half-hour of driving, Will made it into the city and pulled into the parking lot across the way. "I'll see you guys after it's done?"

"Yeah," I responded, exiting the car with Nate.

I walked towards the clinic, holding Nate's hand the entire time, and passed a few protestors outside the clinic. They shouted obscene things at us and I retracted into Nate's embrace to protect myself from them if they chose to come up to us.

We made it to the entrance and Nate held the door open for us to walk inside. I hadn't ever been inside of an abortion clinic before, though it was exactly like I thought it would be. Pamphlets for outreach programs lined the walls and there were chairs in the waiting area. It was a doctor's office, only for a specific kind of procedure.

I walked up to the receptionist's desk and grabbed some paperwork, a clipboard, and a pen and walked to the seat that was empty beside him. I could feel people staring at us as he and I filled in the required information. Most of the people here were alone and the people who brought someone brought a woman with them. I stuck out because I brought a man, more specifically, the man that got me pregnant (but that was a detail only I knew.)

Once I was finished, I handed everything off to the receptionist and took a seat next to Nate once again. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to," I whispered.

He grabbed my hand and glanced over at me. "We're in this together, remember? I'm not going anywhere until you're all done."

We stayed this way for an hour or so until my name was called and I was brought to a room with a doctor's table. It looked exactly like the rooms at my family care center: quaint, homely, and full of people's secrets.

The woman went through a bunch of questions with me and I answered them to the best of my abilities. I was quick to answer them too, up until she asked one that sent a chill down my spine.

"Are you having any doubts about getting an abortion?" She had her pen pressed to her paper, waiting for my answer.

I couldn't lie about this kind of stuff. "I am, actually. The person who's gonna bring me home today is the father, and he's been so supportive of me and my decisions with this. He's even in the waiting room right now, waiting for me to get an abortion for his own baby."

_ For our baby. _

She nodded her head and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "It's not uncommon for the men involved to want to support their partners. Did you guys talk about what you would do when you both found out or did one person make the decision?"

"I told him that I didn't think I could raise a baby," I replied. "I'm a waitress, and yeah I make good money from tips, but that's not enough to support a baby."

"Is he not willing to help you raise the child once it's born?" She asked.

"I didn't wanna mess up his career with a child he didn't plan for," I explained.

"I need you to answer this question for me and take as much time as you need," she said, looking me in the eye. "What do you want to do?"

I heard that and sat back, letting my thought process take over. I had so many reasons for either side of the argument. My life would be a lot easier if I aborted our child, but a baby would strengthen the bond we already have. I wanted what was best for Nate and his life, but I hadn't thought about what I wanted in all of this. I jumped in and rushed to find a solution without considering everything.

_ I need to make this decision now. _

I was discharged an hour later. I walked out to the waiting room where the receptionist gave me specific instructions for self-care. Nate noticed me walk out and met with me at the front desk.

"You ready to go?" He asked, holding out his hand for me.

I took his hand and intertwined our fingers. "Let's go home."

_ I hope I made the right decision,  _ I thought as we walked out of the clinic hand in hand.

We walked down the sidewalk to see that the protestors were still there and still had their gruesome signs with them. Nate shielded me from the signs so that I didn't have to fully see them but to no avail as they recognized us.

I was about to press on until one of them yelled this at me, "How does it feel to be a baby killer?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned around, heading straight for them. Nate was yelling at me to ignore them but he was the one I decided to ignore. I stood right in front of the one that yelled at me.

"Say that to my fucking face," I growled.

"How does it feel to be a baby killer?" They repeated in a condescending tone.

I took one of their sign and ripped it in half and yelled, "I didn't go through with it! Happy now?! Now get the hell out of here and stop harassing people who just need somewhere to go!"

They rolled their eyes and started packing up to leave. I finally felt my anger dissipate into nothing and calmly walked up to Nate. He wore a shocked look as he spoke softly, "You're keeping it?"

"I'm keeping  _ them _ ," I corrected. "And I want you to be part of their life. I get it if you don't because this has probably been super stressful for you, but I–"

Nate picked me up and hugged me close, spinning around in a small circle. "Don't even finish that thought!"

I felt my feet reconnect with the ground as I remained pressed up against his chest. I didn't want this moment to end, but it did when Nate pulled away and grabbed my hands.

"I guess this is better late than never, but I was hoping that we could make things official?" He asked. "I get it if it's still a bit sudden, but just know that–"

I interrupted his sentence with my lips. "I thought you'd never ask."

Anybody walking past us would be confused at seeing a couple committing public displays of affection in front of an abortion clinic, but they didn't need to understand. Nate and our baby were the only people that mattered at that moment.

I pulled away from our kiss and smiled as I put a hand where my uterus would be.  _ I’m so sorry I thought you were a curse to my life, and we can't wait to meet you seven months from now. Love, your mom and dad. _


End file.
